There will be a lot of humor in this blog for two reasons. First, humor gives a fresh perspective and an opportunity to change by shifting consciousness from the linear, logical, left brain to the non-linear, spontaneous, creative right brain. Second, humor and laughter are healthy.
Laughter is good medicine. It's like aerobic cardiovascular exercise benefiting the heart, circulation and blood pressure. A ten or fifteen minute daily dose of humor and laughter is almost the same as a thirty minute run. It's an attitude adjustment without the hangover. Laughter is contagious, not only will you benefit, but so will those around you.
Lighten up and look for opportunities to laugh with life. Do you know why angels fly? Because they take themselves so lightly.
Think of laughter as inner jogging; it helps support the healthy levels of endorphins that build happiness, fight anxiety and fortify the immune response, including the natural killer cells that fight cancer. All of this free of the side effects you hear about on those TV medicine commercials, that are often worse than the disease.
A woman walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink and while she's waiting, eats some nuts. A high shrill voice says, "Nice legs!" She whips her head around but no one else is nearby. She eats a few more nuts and the same voice says, "Nice stockings!" Again, she looks around and there's no one there. The bartender comes with her drink. "You know," she says to him, "I heard a voice telling me nice legs and nice stockings, but there's no one else here." "Oh," says the bartender. "That was the nuts, they're complimentary."
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Is PC the Best Way to Achieve Both Diversity and Unity?
American society and each of us as members of it have a number of wonderful opportunities. One of them, how to respect individual differences and still function as a single nation, community, team or organization is highlighted this time of year and in the following 'joke.' It's funny and sad and left me, as I hope it does you, wondering how we can celebrate both our diversity and our unity without being forced into rediculous extremes. It's not easy, but it is an opportunity.
Sent: Wed, December 16, 2009 6:35:53 PM
Subject: FUNNY, SAD AND TRUE
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 7, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pr*cks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 8, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from the institution and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Sent: Wed, December 16, 2009 6:35:53 PM
Subject: FUNNY, SAD AND TRUE
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 7, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pr*cks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
Company Memo
________________________________
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 8, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from the institution and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Friday, December 18, 2009
Active Listening - Part I of III
Active Listening
Think back to those few friends, mentors, counselors, or
family members who have had the biggest impact on you. How would
you characterize the communication between you? Was it helpful,
meaningful, telepathic, or inspirational?
In one-to-one relationships with someone who knows us well, we
are often in such complete synchronization that communication flows
between us almost without words. Or so we feel. If this is the
case, is it because we excel at expressing ourselves, or because we
are masters of listening? Naturally, both are important, but, to
turn a phrase, talk is cheap and listening is rare.
Chances are that those who influence us most are powerful lis-
teners. Whether instinctively or through practice, they have
developed the skill of empathy.
A University of Maine researcher, Dr. Marisue Pickering, iden-
tifies four characteristics of empathetic listeners:
l. Desire to be other-directed, rather than to project one's own
feelings and ideas onto the other.
2. Desire to be non-defensive, rather than to protect the self.
When the self is being protected, it is difficult to focus on
another person.
3. Desire to imagine the roles, perspectives, or experiences of the
other, rather than assuming they are the same as one's own.
4. Desire to listen as a receiver, not as a critic, and desire to
understand the other person rather than to achieve either agreement
from or change in that person.
Further, she identifies ten discrete skills for empathetic
listening, shown in Table 1.
Table 1. Skills Associated with Empathy
SKILLS EXPLANATION
1. Attending, acknowledging 1. Providing verbal or non-
verbal awareness of the
other, ie, eye contact
2. Restating, paraphrasing 2. Responding to person's
basic verbal message
3. Reflecting 3. Reflecting feelings,
experiences, or content
that has been heard or
perceived through cues
4. Interpreting 4. Offering a tentative
interpretation about the
other's feelings, desires,
or meanings
5. Summarizing, synthesizing 5. Bringing together in some
way feelings and
experiences; providing
a focus
6. Probing 6. Questioning in a supportive
way that requests more
information or that
attempts to clear up
confusions
7. Giving feedback 7. Sharing perceptions of the
other's ideas or feelings;
disclosing relevant
personal information
8. Supporting 8. Showing warmth and caring in
one's own individual way
9. Checking perceptions 9. Finding out if interpre-
tations and perceptions
are valid and accurate
10. Being quiet 10. Giving the other time to
think as well as to talk
SOURCE: Pickering, Marisue, "Communication" in EXPLORATIONS, A
Journal of Research of the University of Maine, Vol. 3, No. 1, Fall
1986, pp 16-19.
These skills, like those of self-expression, can be learned,
practiced, and mastered. Our society places much more attention on
the spoken side of the communication equation, but if you think
about who influences you, are they good talkers or good listeners?
As we come to understand ourselves and our relationships with
others better, we rediscover that "communication is not just saying
words; it is creating true understanding." Active listening is an
important skill in that process.
Think back to those few friends, mentors, counselors, or
family members who have had the biggest impact on you. How would
you characterize the communication between you? Was it helpful,
meaningful, telepathic, or inspirational?
In one-to-one relationships with someone who knows us well, we
are often in such complete synchronization that communication flows
between us almost without words. Or so we feel. If this is the
case, is it because we excel at expressing ourselves, or because we
are masters of listening? Naturally, both are important, but, to
turn a phrase, talk is cheap and listening is rare.
Chances are that those who influence us most are powerful lis-
teners. Whether instinctively or through practice, they have
developed the skill of empathy.
A University of Maine researcher, Dr. Marisue Pickering, iden-
tifies four characteristics of empathetic listeners:
l. Desire to be other-directed, rather than to project one's own
feelings and ideas onto the other.
2. Desire to be non-defensive, rather than to protect the self.
When the self is being protected, it is difficult to focus on
another person.
3. Desire to imagine the roles, perspectives, or experiences of the
other, rather than assuming they are the same as one's own.
4. Desire to listen as a receiver, not as a critic, and desire to
understand the other person rather than to achieve either agreement
from or change in that person.
Further, she identifies ten discrete skills for empathetic
listening, shown in Table 1.
Table 1. Skills Associated with Empathy
SKILLS EXPLANATION
1. Attending, acknowledging 1. Providing verbal or non-
verbal awareness of the
other, ie, eye contact
2. Restating, paraphrasing 2. Responding to person's
basic verbal message
3. Reflecting 3. Reflecting feelings,
experiences, or content
that has been heard or
perceived through cues
4. Interpreting 4. Offering a tentative
interpretation about the
other's feelings, desires,
or meanings
5. Summarizing, synthesizing 5. Bringing together in some
way feelings and
experiences; providing
a focus
6. Probing 6. Questioning in a supportive
way that requests more
information or that
attempts to clear up
confusions
7. Giving feedback 7. Sharing perceptions of the
other's ideas or feelings;
disclosing relevant
personal information
8. Supporting 8. Showing warmth and caring in
one's own individual way
9. Checking perceptions 9. Finding out if interpre-
tations and perceptions
are valid and accurate
10. Being quiet 10. Giving the other time to
think as well as to talk
SOURCE: Pickering, Marisue, "Communication" in EXPLORATIONS, A
Journal of Research of the University of Maine, Vol. 3, No. 1, Fall
1986, pp 16-19.
These skills, like those of self-expression, can be learned,
practiced, and mastered. Our society places much more attention on
the spoken side of the communication equation, but if you think
about who influences you, are they good talkers or good listeners?
As we come to understand ourselves and our relationships with
others better, we rediscover that "communication is not just saying
words; it is creating true understanding." Active listening is an
important skill in that process.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Stress Management
Managing Stress with Exercise for People Who Hate Exercise
Need exercise but not into riding a bike, swimming, or playing tennis? Here’s some ways to burn calories each hour – painlessly.
Activity Calories
Beating around the bush 75
Jumping to conclusions 100
Climbing the walls 150
Passing the buck 25
Throwing your weight around 200
Dragging your feet 100
Digging in your heels 75
Wading through paperwork 300
Running around in circles 200
Making mountains out of molehills 500
Need exercise but not into riding a bike, swimming, or playing tennis? Here’s some ways to burn calories each hour – painlessly.
Activity Calories
Beating around the bush 75
Jumping to conclusions 100
Climbing the walls 150
Passing the buck 25
Throwing your weight around 200
Dragging your feet 100
Digging in your heels 75
Wading through paperwork 300
Running around in circles 200
Making mountains out of molehills 500
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Little Girl on a Plane
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?
A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?
Monday, December 14, 2009
Purpose of this Blog
What follows in an idea for a website. This blogger is looking for technical help to get the website up and feedback about the idea itself. Send to: drSteve@WisdomAtWorkUSA.com. Thanks!
Success In Spite Of
A Website
A website for inspirational stories, photos, poetry, jokes, art, projects and other things that express your own actual progress in doing good and making good in spite of difficulties. A place to post things that show you carrying through, fulfilling and realizing your best in spite of the difficulties; that show difficulties becoming blessings in disguise, and how you’re growing as a human being and prevailing despite your inner demons, mistakes, obstinacy, and foolishness - stories, photos and other things about taking responsibility for yourself, of inner change and courage, about lightening up and taking yourself less seriously.
Not for Everyone
Contributing to this website is definitely not for everyone, but perhaps it’s for you. Age doesn’t matter, sex doesn’t matter, income doesn’t matter, race doesn’t matter, political party doesn’t matter, religion doesn’t matter, these are factors, of course. What matters is growth and personal success in spite of the difficulties.
More Good Than Bad
Believe it or not, there’s more success in spite of out there, more good than bad, though you’d never know it from watching the news. In fact, you’re probably one of the successful good guys. But because we hear more about the bad than the good, you may think you don’t count, that the simple everyday decency, honesty and courtesy you do doesn’t matter. Well, that would be incorrect! Simple everyday decency, honesty and courtesy do matter.
Hear More About the Good
Wouldn’t you like to hear that more often? Wouldn’t hearing more about people’s acts of simple everyday decency, honesty and courtesy, inspire and reinforce you? That’s what the Success In Spite Of website is for – to provide a space to share stuff that will inspire and reinforce the good guys.
Everyday Heroes
Let’s gather stories, photos, poetry, jokes, art, projects and other things about the good guys, everyday heroes, perhaps someone like you. Not police officers or fire fighters who volunteered and are paid and trained to do difficult sometimes heroic things - not that we’re not grateful and appreciative of fire fighters and police officers, but rather stories about everyday heroes, people who didn’t get training, don’t get combat pay, and who definitely didn’t volunteer – didn’t volunteer to be laid-off, didn’t volunteer for cancer, didn’t really volunteer to be in debt for years for their education, didn’t really volunteer to stay up all night with their sick kids or ailing parents and grandparents, everyday heroes who do the things they didn’t volunteer for with compassion, style and grace, and by so doing, set an example for us all. Are you an everyday hero, have you got something to share?
Heroes in Spite of
If you carry on in spite of the anger, frustration and despair; without blaming, doing good from the inside out, finding the inner resources - the courage, hope and love; feeling the pain, but doing it anyway without becoming an alcoholic, or a nasty sarcastic bastard, or a drug addict, spouse, child or animal abuser, then you’re an everyday hero. If you cope and do the best you can despite an unappreciative employer, work longer hours or an extra job, pay your bills, not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because you used what you brought and know if you don’t pay, someone else will lose their job, then you’re an everyday hero.
Not Perfect & Make Mistakes
Everyday heroes are not perfect. They have big flaws, many of which they’re aware of and working on. The heroism comes from intending no harm, nor evil and fighting like hell, mostly with yourself, to keep your behavior in line with your good intentions. If you admit your mistakes, understand they’re part of living, and are willing to learn and grow from them, you’re an everyday hero.
Claim Your Good & Share It
If you think about it, you probably have a something to share. Nearly everyone has been an everyday hero at some time in their lives. Remember, ‘everyday hero,’ is not a job title or profession, it’s a way of life. Treat yourself to the joy of recalling your goodness, joy and compassion. Claim it for yourself, to remind you that you have been a hero, are a hero, and will be again, then share it to do the same for others.
Carpe Diem
Carpe diem – seize the day! This is the first day of the rest of your life. Stop putting yourself down; we need to be aware of the good in and around us. We’re drowning in negativity; bad news is everywhere. How about some good news for a change? Why wait for CNN or Fox or the newspapers to give us the good news? Why not share it yourself right now? Stop waiting! Don’t belittle what you’ve accomplished, be shy, embarrassed or self deprecating. Treat yourself to feeling good for a change! Post a story, photo or joke depicting your success; inspire others, and remind yourself that if you did it once, you can do it again, and are probably still doing it.
Don’t Feel Pressured or Pushed
Don’t feel pressured or pushed. This has to come from your heart. If you’re ready to share something, good; if not, just think about it. A seed has been planted, when you’re ready, you’ll nurture that seed and grow it into something worth sharing. But even if you never share anything, just getting in touch with the good you’ve done and probably are still doing in spite of the odds, will be beneficial.
Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life
It’s beneficial because when you change your thinking, you change your life. Thinking about the good and being grateful for it, wanting to share it and live from that place, is very different from worrying, feeling like a victim and being angry. Anger has its place, and sometimes we are victims, and worrying can work for us; but not as a constant diet, not as a habitual mental and emotional outlook. If what you think about all the time comes back to you, if how you see things is what you get, think about the kind of life a steady diet of worry, victim thinking and anger is creating.
Lighten up
Lighten up! You can do good and have fun and enjoy yourself! See the humor in life; laugh at yourself, and take yourself less seriously; it’s a great stress reliever. Do you know why angels fly? Because they take themselves so lightly. Post a joke, a cartoon, a poem or story that show’s you lightening up; and inspire others to do the same.
You’ve Already Done It
This may be hard to believe, but the only thing that’s keeping your life the same, is the way you’re thinking about it. Change the way you think, shift from either/or thinking to both/and thinking; stop beating yourself up, blaming, worrying and being a victim and WOW! the sky’s the limit! Fresh starts, clean slates, and new beginnings – think about it, how does that feel - fresh starts, clean slates, and new beginnings –hot, isn’t it?
You Have the Power
Why do the same old things if they don’t work and bring the same old results? Do something different – try laughter, compassion and joy for a change, instead of fear, anger and loathing. Fresh starts, clean slates, and new beginnings – change your thinking, shift from either/or to both/and thinking and change your life. It is your thinking isn’t it? Is there someone else in there with you? Yes, parents, teachers, rules, beliefs, but bottom line, you have the power now, it’s up to you to choose what’s next.
Choose Again
Stop being loyal to ways of thinking, rules and concepts that are not working for you, that actually cause pain and damage, and choose again. Choose again – that’s the definition of ‘repent.’ But choose from a different place, the both/and place, a lighter, loving more compassionate place.
One definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. Are you insane? Many of us are – if you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got. Do something different, quit being insane, stop thinking the same old way and expecting different results, then blaming others when it doesn’t work. Duh!! It’s your head, heart and hand; choose again; stop the insanity and inspire yourself and others.
Letting Go of Guilt, Blame and Anger
What would it be like to let go of guilt, blame, anger and punishment? What would it be like to be part of a ‘community’ – a place that works for everyone, without barrier labels like race, religion, political preference; a place where everyone does their best and gets the support they need, doesn’t have to be afraid and is valued and appreciated for who they are – warts and all?
Have blame and anger, guilt and punishment gotten us more of what we want and less of what we don’t want? The jails are full and we’re building new ones all the time, and the real big shot bad guys always get away with it; yet we keep on doing what we’ve always done. Duh!!
If We Want Things to be Different, We’ve Got to be Different
What would happen if instead of looking at things as we always have – through the prism of either/or - right or wrong, Republican or Democrat, rich or poor, for me or against me, we looked at things differently? If you always do what you always did…. If we want things to be different, we’ve got to be different. It’s no good blaming others person or ideologies that are different than our own; that’s what’s got us where we are, is keeping us where we are and preventing us from making improvements. If you always do what you always did….
Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life
Change the way you think. You can do that, can’t you? It’s your thinking, isn’t it? You really can’t change somebody else’s thinking, but if you change yours, perhaps others will follow. Shift from seeing things in polarized, overly simplified, either/or, black or white terms, to seeing them in both/and terms. Let go of thinking ‘you’re either for me or against me,’ and shift to understanding that someone can be both for you and against you - for you on X, against you on Y. Every parent and child knows both/and thinking – being both for the child and against some of the child’s behaviors.
How different would our lives and communities be, our problems and opportunities, if we let go of either/or thinking and shifted to both/and thinking? Perhaps we’d be able to work together more effectively; rise above seeming difficulties; have less fear, hate and crime. Post a story, photo, poem, art, joke, project or something else about shifting from either/or to both/and thinking.
Changing Your Mind Is Not Easy
Changing’s not easy. Mental and emotional habits are so strong we often mistake them for us. But they are not us; we are the thinkers, not the thoughts. Thoughts and feelings are like clouds passing across the sun. We are the sun, they are the clouds. If we didn’t energize, justify, and say ‘amen’ to our habitual thoughts and feelings every time they came up, they would disappear.
Two things make the shift from either/or to both/and thinking faster, easier and more sustainable – vision and support. Vision is a passionate sense of how great things will be using the new way of thinking; how good it feels, how much better the results are, and how much more natural and freeing it is to come from the both/and instead of either/or. Support is being able to talk about how well it works, complain when it doesn’t work, get new insights and ideas; to get help and to give help. The mission of the Success in Spite of website is to provide both vision and support.
Shifting At The Community Level
Your choice of how to think is both political and personal; political in that it has implications for our communities, and personal because it directly effects our lives. When Success in Spite of encourages you to shift from either/or to both/and thinking, it’s also encouraging the same shift at the community level. If we do nothing and go on as we have been, social stagnation and collapse are real possibilities. But if we say, ‘Enough!’ to the polarized, win-lose, either/or bickering, blaming, corruption, and chose a both/and, win-win outcome, we may have a chance. If we always do what we always did….
Traditional Ways of Being in Community Aren’t Working Well
For example, if I believe it’s a dog-eat-dog world - either me or you, that’s how I’ll expect the Justice System and other community institutions to operate; charity, compassion and help - both me and you, will have little place. Society will say that being ‘realistic’ is seeing that it’s ‘every man for himself’ either me or you, and the both/and ideals of cooperation, mutual respect and compassionate justice will be considered unrealistic and given only lip service.
Have our communities and the spaces we share in common, fallen under the spell of dog-eat-dog, either/or thinking? Have we given up on the both/and ideal that it’s possible to create a commons, a community and society that works for everyone, both the individual and society?
It seems we have. The prisons are full, the deficits are rising, the drop-out rate is up, drug addiction is rampant, economic and political corruption are legion, many people are suffering with lack, pain and distress. The either/or dog-eat-dog view blames these people, says it’s their fault; that if they worked harder, paid more attention in school, prayed more and in the right church, were smarter and tougher, these things wouldn’t happen to them. It’s their fault they were born poor, or handicapped, in the wrong country or part of town, into the wrong sex, race or religion, or outside the middle class.
Get Your Bloated Nothingness Out of the Way of the Divine Circuits
We can have both better communities and better lives if, as Ralph Waldo Emerson advises us we, “Get our bloated nothingness out of the way of the divine circuits” - get our pride, ego, fear, blame, anger and attack out of the way. Emerson’s telling us we’re both negative bloated nothingness and divine circuits! There is negativity, but it’s not all we are. We are also a conduit for the ‘divine circuits,’ a way of expressing joy, inspiration, compassion, vision, humor, truth, justice and the American Way.
If we think in both/and terms and take responsibility for both our bloated nothingness and our divine circuits, working to tamp the one down so the other can flow, then we’ll have more communities that work for everyone, and less either/or dog-eat-dog systems.
Either/or
Either/or thinking hangs us up on non-existent intellectual polarities like either the individual or the community and society, as if individuals can exist outside society, or society can exist without individuals. Bull shit! That kind of thinking ties us into knots and keeps us from cooperating to take effective action. If I’m for individual rights and you’re for social justice, and either you’re right or I’m wrong, or vise versa, then how can we cooperate?
Neither one of us wants to work with someone who’s wrong and is against everything we stand for. So we have gridlock, stalemate (think of Congress) nothing gets done, things go on as they always have (if you always do what you always did…. And insanity – doing the same things and expecting different results), life becomes unsustainable; and communities wither and die (think of Detroit).
Both/and
But it doesn’t have to be that way. We all have biases and preferences. But if we take responsibility for them, see them for what they are and use them as starting points in a dialogue, we might have a both/and win/win outcome. If we see the polarizing, stuck effects of either/or, win/lose thinking and realize that the truth is sometimes I’m right and sometimes I’m wrong and so are you, we might be able to cooperate.
Next Steps
Start shifting to both/and thinking. Catch yourself either/oring, and when you do, don’t attack or blame yourself, just shift. Say to yourself, ‘how can I see this in both/and terms, not she’s either for me or against me, not she’s either right or wrong, but she’s both for me in some ways and against me in others.’
Share your good, post and reinforce both yourself and others. Remember, because how you chose to think is both political and personal, as you post and take responsibility to shift from either/or to both/and thinking, you shift the thinking in your community and our society. If we get our bloated nothingness out of the way of the divine circuits, perhaps we’ll have more divine flow in our lives and communities.
Partnership Projects at the Community Level and Beyond
If you’ve taken the ‘next steps’ described above and want to do more, consider working with others on targeted community level projects. You can initiate one of these or join one already in progress. Here’s an example of one such project taken from The Voice of the People: The Transpartisan Imperative in American Life, 2008, daVinci Press.
In Santa Barbara, CA, the public had figured out that the current system of prisons and parole was broken, that inmates leaving prison were more likely to commit a crime than before they went into prison. In typical either/or fashion, ‘conservatives’ saw it as an issue of personal responsibility while ‘liberals’ saw it as involving underlying causes. As long as they stayed in their polarized positions, no cooperation and change was possible. But the fact that the price paid when new crimes were committed by parolees is paid by the local community as increased insurance, victims pain and suffering, law enforcement costs, and costs for business and courts, pushed the citizens to a seek a pragmatic, both/and solution.
People saw their stake in solving the problem and all the interest groups and stakeholders in the county – chamber of commerce, sheriff, police, hospitals, parole & probation, community-based service providers, churches, district attorney, schools and colleges, came together to design and operate the Santa Barbara County Reentry Project. People who avoided all contact with one another, and mostly called each other names, started actively working together to develop a solution.
The Santa Barbara project took four years to evolve, but it’s working now and people there have created something positive for their community that they can point to with pride, as a model for their next community effort.
This project may seem too large for you to be involved with, but remember, it had its roots in shifting from either/or to both/and thinking to reach across seemingly insurmountable boundaries to realize ideals of community and create a system that works for everyone, both individuals and community.
You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do, you can begin and let your intuition and opportunity guide you. As long as you’re willing to get your bloated nothingness out of the way of the divine circuits, are anchored in both/and thinking and have a willingness to work with others to build a community that works for everyone, your work will unfold.
Post a project, use the Success in Spite of website to post your ideas and find partners.
Success In Spite Of
A Website
A website for inspirational stories, photos, poetry, jokes, art, projects and other things that express your own actual progress in doing good and making good in spite of difficulties. A place to post things that show you carrying through, fulfilling and realizing your best in spite of the difficulties; that show difficulties becoming blessings in disguise, and how you’re growing as a human being and prevailing despite your inner demons, mistakes, obstinacy, and foolishness - stories, photos and other things about taking responsibility for yourself, of inner change and courage, about lightening up and taking yourself less seriously.
Not for Everyone
Contributing to this website is definitely not for everyone, but perhaps it’s for you. Age doesn’t matter, sex doesn’t matter, income doesn’t matter, race doesn’t matter, political party doesn’t matter, religion doesn’t matter, these are factors, of course. What matters is growth and personal success in spite of the difficulties.
More Good Than Bad
Believe it or not, there’s more success in spite of out there, more good than bad, though you’d never know it from watching the news. In fact, you’re probably one of the successful good guys. But because we hear more about the bad than the good, you may think you don’t count, that the simple everyday decency, honesty and courtesy you do doesn’t matter. Well, that would be incorrect! Simple everyday decency, honesty and courtesy do matter.
Hear More About the Good
Wouldn’t you like to hear that more often? Wouldn’t hearing more about people’s acts of simple everyday decency, honesty and courtesy, inspire and reinforce you? That’s what the Success In Spite Of website is for – to provide a space to share stuff that will inspire and reinforce the good guys.
Everyday Heroes
Let’s gather stories, photos, poetry, jokes, art, projects and other things about the good guys, everyday heroes, perhaps someone like you. Not police officers or fire fighters who volunteered and are paid and trained to do difficult sometimes heroic things - not that we’re not grateful and appreciative of fire fighters and police officers, but rather stories about everyday heroes, people who didn’t get training, don’t get combat pay, and who definitely didn’t volunteer – didn’t volunteer to be laid-off, didn’t volunteer for cancer, didn’t really volunteer to be in debt for years for their education, didn’t really volunteer to stay up all night with their sick kids or ailing parents and grandparents, everyday heroes who do the things they didn’t volunteer for with compassion, style and grace, and by so doing, set an example for us all. Are you an everyday hero, have you got something to share?
Heroes in Spite of
If you carry on in spite of the anger, frustration and despair; without blaming, doing good from the inside out, finding the inner resources - the courage, hope and love; feeling the pain, but doing it anyway without becoming an alcoholic, or a nasty sarcastic bastard, or a drug addict, spouse, child or animal abuser, then you’re an everyday hero. If you cope and do the best you can despite an unappreciative employer, work longer hours or an extra job, pay your bills, not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because you used what you brought and know if you don’t pay, someone else will lose their job, then you’re an everyday hero.
Not Perfect & Make Mistakes
Everyday heroes are not perfect. They have big flaws, many of which they’re aware of and working on. The heroism comes from intending no harm, nor evil and fighting like hell, mostly with yourself, to keep your behavior in line with your good intentions. If you admit your mistakes, understand they’re part of living, and are willing to learn and grow from them, you’re an everyday hero.
Claim Your Good & Share It
If you think about it, you probably have a something to share. Nearly everyone has been an everyday hero at some time in their lives. Remember, ‘everyday hero,’ is not a job title or profession, it’s a way of life. Treat yourself to the joy of recalling your goodness, joy and compassion. Claim it for yourself, to remind you that you have been a hero, are a hero, and will be again, then share it to do the same for others.
Carpe Diem
Carpe diem – seize the day! This is the first day of the rest of your life. Stop putting yourself down; we need to be aware of the good in and around us. We’re drowning in negativity; bad news is everywhere. How about some good news for a change? Why wait for CNN or Fox or the newspapers to give us the good news? Why not share it yourself right now? Stop waiting! Don’t belittle what you’ve accomplished, be shy, embarrassed or self deprecating. Treat yourself to feeling good for a change! Post a story, photo or joke depicting your success; inspire others, and remind yourself that if you did it once, you can do it again, and are probably still doing it.
Don’t Feel Pressured or Pushed
Don’t feel pressured or pushed. This has to come from your heart. If you’re ready to share something, good; if not, just think about it. A seed has been planted, when you’re ready, you’ll nurture that seed and grow it into something worth sharing. But even if you never share anything, just getting in touch with the good you’ve done and probably are still doing in spite of the odds, will be beneficial.
Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life
It’s beneficial because when you change your thinking, you change your life. Thinking about the good and being grateful for it, wanting to share it and live from that place, is very different from worrying, feeling like a victim and being angry. Anger has its place, and sometimes we are victims, and worrying can work for us; but not as a constant diet, not as a habitual mental and emotional outlook. If what you think about all the time comes back to you, if how you see things is what you get, think about the kind of life a steady diet of worry, victim thinking and anger is creating.
Lighten up
Lighten up! You can do good and have fun and enjoy yourself! See the humor in life; laugh at yourself, and take yourself less seriously; it’s a great stress reliever. Do you know why angels fly? Because they take themselves so lightly. Post a joke, a cartoon, a poem or story that show’s you lightening up; and inspire others to do the same.
You’ve Already Done It
This may be hard to believe, but the only thing that’s keeping your life the same, is the way you’re thinking about it. Change the way you think, shift from either/or thinking to both/and thinking; stop beating yourself up, blaming, worrying and being a victim and WOW! the sky’s the limit! Fresh starts, clean slates, and new beginnings – think about it, how does that feel - fresh starts, clean slates, and new beginnings –hot, isn’t it?
You Have the Power
Why do the same old things if they don’t work and bring the same old results? Do something different – try laughter, compassion and joy for a change, instead of fear, anger and loathing. Fresh starts, clean slates, and new beginnings – change your thinking, shift from either/or to both/and thinking and change your life. It is your thinking isn’t it? Is there someone else in there with you? Yes, parents, teachers, rules, beliefs, but bottom line, you have the power now, it’s up to you to choose what’s next.
Choose Again
Stop being loyal to ways of thinking, rules and concepts that are not working for you, that actually cause pain and damage, and choose again. Choose again – that’s the definition of ‘repent.’ But choose from a different place, the both/and place, a lighter, loving more compassionate place.
One definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. Are you insane? Many of us are – if you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got. Do something different, quit being insane, stop thinking the same old way and expecting different results, then blaming others when it doesn’t work. Duh!! It’s your head, heart and hand; choose again; stop the insanity and inspire yourself and others.
Letting Go of Guilt, Blame and Anger
What would it be like to let go of guilt, blame, anger and punishment? What would it be like to be part of a ‘community’ – a place that works for everyone, without barrier labels like race, religion, political preference; a place where everyone does their best and gets the support they need, doesn’t have to be afraid and is valued and appreciated for who they are – warts and all?
Have blame and anger, guilt and punishment gotten us more of what we want and less of what we don’t want? The jails are full and we’re building new ones all the time, and the real big shot bad guys always get away with it; yet we keep on doing what we’ve always done. Duh!!
If We Want Things to be Different, We’ve Got to be Different
What would happen if instead of looking at things as we always have – through the prism of either/or - right or wrong, Republican or Democrat, rich or poor, for me or against me, we looked at things differently? If you always do what you always did…. If we want things to be different, we’ve got to be different. It’s no good blaming others person or ideologies that are different than our own; that’s what’s got us where we are, is keeping us where we are and preventing us from making improvements. If you always do what you always did….
Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life
Change the way you think. You can do that, can’t you? It’s your thinking, isn’t it? You really can’t change somebody else’s thinking, but if you change yours, perhaps others will follow. Shift from seeing things in polarized, overly simplified, either/or, black or white terms, to seeing them in both/and terms. Let go of thinking ‘you’re either for me or against me,’ and shift to understanding that someone can be both for you and against you - for you on X, against you on Y. Every parent and child knows both/and thinking – being both for the child and against some of the child’s behaviors.
How different would our lives and communities be, our problems and opportunities, if we let go of either/or thinking and shifted to both/and thinking? Perhaps we’d be able to work together more effectively; rise above seeming difficulties; have less fear, hate and crime. Post a story, photo, poem, art, joke, project or something else about shifting from either/or to both/and thinking.
Changing Your Mind Is Not Easy
Changing’s not easy. Mental and emotional habits are so strong we often mistake them for us. But they are not us; we are the thinkers, not the thoughts. Thoughts and feelings are like clouds passing across the sun. We are the sun, they are the clouds. If we didn’t energize, justify, and say ‘amen’ to our habitual thoughts and feelings every time they came up, they would disappear.
Two things make the shift from either/or to both/and thinking faster, easier and more sustainable – vision and support. Vision is a passionate sense of how great things will be using the new way of thinking; how good it feels, how much better the results are, and how much more natural and freeing it is to come from the both/and instead of either/or. Support is being able to talk about how well it works, complain when it doesn’t work, get new insights and ideas; to get help and to give help. The mission of the Success in Spite of website is to provide both vision and support.
Shifting At The Community Level
Your choice of how to think is both political and personal; political in that it has implications for our communities, and personal because it directly effects our lives. When Success in Spite of encourages you to shift from either/or to both/and thinking, it’s also encouraging the same shift at the community level. If we do nothing and go on as we have been, social stagnation and collapse are real possibilities. But if we say, ‘Enough!’ to the polarized, win-lose, either/or bickering, blaming, corruption, and chose a both/and, win-win outcome, we may have a chance. If we always do what we always did….
Traditional Ways of Being in Community Aren’t Working Well
For example, if I believe it’s a dog-eat-dog world - either me or you, that’s how I’ll expect the Justice System and other community institutions to operate; charity, compassion and help - both me and you, will have little place. Society will say that being ‘realistic’ is seeing that it’s ‘every man for himself’ either me or you, and the both/and ideals of cooperation, mutual respect and compassionate justice will be considered unrealistic and given only lip service.
Have our communities and the spaces we share in common, fallen under the spell of dog-eat-dog, either/or thinking? Have we given up on the both/and ideal that it’s possible to create a commons, a community and society that works for everyone, both the individual and society?
It seems we have. The prisons are full, the deficits are rising, the drop-out rate is up, drug addiction is rampant, economic and political corruption are legion, many people are suffering with lack, pain and distress. The either/or dog-eat-dog view blames these people, says it’s their fault; that if they worked harder, paid more attention in school, prayed more and in the right church, were smarter and tougher, these things wouldn’t happen to them. It’s their fault they were born poor, or handicapped, in the wrong country or part of town, into the wrong sex, race or religion, or outside the middle class.
Get Your Bloated Nothingness Out of the Way of the Divine Circuits
We can have both better communities and better lives if, as Ralph Waldo Emerson advises us we, “Get our bloated nothingness out of the way of the divine circuits” - get our pride, ego, fear, blame, anger and attack out of the way. Emerson’s telling us we’re both negative bloated nothingness and divine circuits! There is negativity, but it’s not all we are. We are also a conduit for the ‘divine circuits,’ a way of expressing joy, inspiration, compassion, vision, humor, truth, justice and the American Way.
If we think in both/and terms and take responsibility for both our bloated nothingness and our divine circuits, working to tamp the one down so the other can flow, then we’ll have more communities that work for everyone, and less either/or dog-eat-dog systems.
Either/or
Either/or thinking hangs us up on non-existent intellectual polarities like either the individual or the community and society, as if individuals can exist outside society, or society can exist without individuals. Bull shit! That kind of thinking ties us into knots and keeps us from cooperating to take effective action. If I’m for individual rights and you’re for social justice, and either you’re right or I’m wrong, or vise versa, then how can we cooperate?
Neither one of us wants to work with someone who’s wrong and is against everything we stand for. So we have gridlock, stalemate (think of Congress) nothing gets done, things go on as they always have (if you always do what you always did…. And insanity – doing the same things and expecting different results), life becomes unsustainable; and communities wither and die (think of Detroit).
Both/and
But it doesn’t have to be that way. We all have biases and preferences. But if we take responsibility for them, see them for what they are and use them as starting points in a dialogue, we might have a both/and win/win outcome. If we see the polarizing, stuck effects of either/or, win/lose thinking and realize that the truth is sometimes I’m right and sometimes I’m wrong and so are you, we might be able to cooperate.
Next Steps
Start shifting to both/and thinking. Catch yourself either/oring, and when you do, don’t attack or blame yourself, just shift. Say to yourself, ‘how can I see this in both/and terms, not she’s either for me or against me, not she’s either right or wrong, but she’s both for me in some ways and against me in others.’
Share your good, post and reinforce both yourself and others. Remember, because how you chose to think is both political and personal, as you post and take responsibility to shift from either/or to both/and thinking, you shift the thinking in your community and our society. If we get our bloated nothingness out of the way of the divine circuits, perhaps we’ll have more divine flow in our lives and communities.
Partnership Projects at the Community Level and Beyond
If you’ve taken the ‘next steps’ described above and want to do more, consider working with others on targeted community level projects. You can initiate one of these or join one already in progress. Here’s an example of one such project taken from The Voice of the People: The Transpartisan Imperative in American Life, 2008, daVinci Press.
In Santa Barbara, CA, the public had figured out that the current system of prisons and parole was broken, that inmates leaving prison were more likely to commit a crime than before they went into prison. In typical either/or fashion, ‘conservatives’ saw it as an issue of personal responsibility while ‘liberals’ saw it as involving underlying causes. As long as they stayed in their polarized positions, no cooperation and change was possible. But the fact that the price paid when new crimes were committed by parolees is paid by the local community as increased insurance, victims pain and suffering, law enforcement costs, and costs for business and courts, pushed the citizens to a seek a pragmatic, both/and solution.
People saw their stake in solving the problem and all the interest groups and stakeholders in the county – chamber of commerce, sheriff, police, hospitals, parole & probation, community-based service providers, churches, district attorney, schools and colleges, came together to design and operate the Santa Barbara County Reentry Project. People who avoided all contact with one another, and mostly called each other names, started actively working together to develop a solution.
The Santa Barbara project took four years to evolve, but it’s working now and people there have created something positive for their community that they can point to with pride, as a model for their next community effort.
This project may seem too large for you to be involved with, but remember, it had its roots in shifting from either/or to both/and thinking to reach across seemingly insurmountable boundaries to realize ideals of community and create a system that works for everyone, both individuals and community.
You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do, you can begin and let your intuition and opportunity guide you. As long as you’re willing to get your bloated nothingness out of the way of the divine circuits, are anchored in both/and thinking and have a willingness to work with others to build a community that works for everyone, your work will unfold.
Post a project, use the Success in Spite of website to post your ideas and find partners.
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